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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23891122">A Million Reasons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedadrinkorsleep/pseuds/Ineedadrinkorsleep'>Ineedadrinkorsleep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Wicked Powers Series - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Autistic Character, Canon Queer Character of Color, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Queer Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:08:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,833</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23891122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedadrinkorsleep/pseuds/Ineedadrinkorsleep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of one shots about various queer characters in TSC. I will try and post weekly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Julian Blackthorn/Emma Carstairs, Mark Blackthorn/Kieran/Cristina Rosales, Tiberius Blackthorn/Kit Rook</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>136</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Kit and Magnus: When all of your tears have turned to rage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kit was seeing red. Almost quite literally. The room was eerily quiet, save for Kit's heavy breathing as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his whole body vibrating with anger.</p><p>He was sitting in Alec's office in the New York institute which was basically "New Allicante" Across from him sat the Consul himself and his husband, both looking equally displeased. Tessa and Jem were sat on either side of him. Kit refused to look at them, but if he had to take a guess, he was willing to bet they were equally as upset. </p><p>Kit knew he should feel guilty, on some level. At least for making his parents sad, but punching that bitch Paige Ashdown straight in the nose had probably been one of the most satisfying experiences of Kits life.</p><p>He just wished his bruised knuckles felt that way. </p><p>Paige was an all around asshole and he knew that seeing her again would be annoying. But he was planning on putting aside the rampant ableism and general bitchiness of the girl and being civil to her on the account of professionalism. </p><p>Which was Kit's mistake.</p><p>"So Christopher" Alec began in a relatively calm tone. "I have got two very angry Ashdowns outside who are wondering why their daughter has a bloody nose. Care to shed some light on the situation?" </p><p>Kit under normal circumstances would have responded sarcastically, or made some kind of joke. But after his encounter with Paige it was like all the life had been drained out of him. </p><p>The anger was starting to wear off and now he just wanted to go home and cry.</p><p>Kit took a deep breath. "It wasn't my fault" he finally told them. He lifted his head to meet Magnus's gaze, calm and collected. He had a certain knowing expressing on his face that was a little unnerving. As if Magnus knew all of Kits secrets and more. Alec just looked tired annoyed and frankly Kit didn't blame him. </p><p>If he had to deal with three pissed off Ashdowns he would be borderline homicidal.</p><p>"What exactly do you mean Kit?" he heard Jem say on his right. Kit still couldn't bring himself to look at him. He knew his parents were disappointed in him. He knew he had fucked up. </p><p>Kit just wanted to get this whole thing over with.</p><p>Alec was about to speak but then Magnus suddenly interjected, snapping Kit's focus back to him.</p><p>"Christopher what did she say to you exactly? What did she say to you to make you so angry?" Magnus attempted to coax the answer out of him. </p><p>"Was it something about Ty?" he finally asked and Kit hated the way he suddenly felt so exposed. Like all of his layers had been stripped away and his heart was being studied under a microscope. </p><p>But for the first time in his life this wasn't about Ty. </p><p>Kit willed himself to hold it together. "No this isn't about Ty" he admitted, taking note of how his heart lurched when he said his love's name. "This is-" Kit trailed off, embarrassed. Alec nodded slightly, urging him to continue.</p><p>"This is actually just about me" he confessed. "I just don't wanna make it a big deal. I mean-" Kit fidgetted in his seat. "Honestly Alec if it makes everything easier on you, just give me some sort of punishment and tell the Ashdowns I was thoroughly reprimanded or whatever and we can be done with this." </p><p>Magnus continued to zero in on him as if he was studying him for something. Alec remained silent. Tessa finally got up out of her chair and placed a hand on Kit's shoulder. </p><p>Kit finally turned to look at her. </p><p>"Kit sweetheart you can tell us" she said gently. "We just want to help."</p><p>Kit's heart seized at the warmth and love in her eyes. It was so overwhelming that Kit had to look away.</p><p>Another beat of silence fell over the room. Then all of a sudden Magnus walked over to Alec, bending down to murmur something in his ear.</p><p>Tessa and Jem both stared at him, confused. Kit had decided to stop caring about the situation for the moment and went back to staring at the bruises on his right hand.</p><p>Alec stood up from his chair, paused for a moment then looked over at Tessa and Jem.</p><p>"Could you both come outside with me for a moment? There's something we need to discuss." </p><p>Well that wasn't good. Kit was royally fucked.</p><p>Tessa and Jem both exchanged a look and then followed Alec out the door. Kit was left alone with Magnus who appeared to be searching his pocket for something.</p><p>Magnus finally withdrew a packet of Reeses peanut butter cups from his coat pocket. Kit narrowed his eyebrows in confusion.</p><p>"What's that for?" he asked warily. Magnus, to his suprise was smiling softly. He held out the Reeses to Kit. "These are for you."</p><p>Now Kit was really confused. He laughed nervously. "What? Why? Aren't I in trouble or something?" Magnus sighed and gave Kit a look he couldn't quite distinguish. Kit hesetated for a moment and then snatched up the Reeses. </p><p>"See that's the thing Kit," Magnus reclined back in his chair. "You are in trouble. You can't just punch a member of a very affluent Shadowhunter family in a room full of witnesses and expect to get away with it" Magnus chuckled darkly. </p><p>Kit closed his eyes and sank his head into his hands. This day had just been too much.</p><p>"But I know why you did it" Magnus said suddenly. "I overheard the end of what Paige was saying. I was standing nearby, you probably didn't notice due to all the chaos." Kit lifted his head. Magnus was still staring at him with that same patient, kind expression and Kit wanted to cry. </p><p>Of course Magnus knew. Truthfully he probably had always known. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.</p><p>And maybe that's why Kit finally decided to tell the truth.</p><p>"I was-" Kit began shakily, his breathing sharp and rapid. Magnus moved to stand, perhaps to comfort him, but Kit shook his head. "No I'm fine." </p><p>Magnus hesitated for a moment than sat back down, waiting expectantly. Kit took a deep breath and composed himself.</p><p>"I was showing a friend of mine around the institute. She's a Downworlder so she was curious, and she and I were gossiping about Shadowhunters in general." Magnus smirked slightly at that. "And than she made a comment about how at least we're all ridiculously good looking" Kit continued with a smile. "And I agreed with her, so I pointed out this one guy walking by who I thought was really hot" Kit paused as he felt the smile drain from his face as he remembered.</p><p>"And then Paige was there. I don't know when exactly she showed up, appearing out of nowhere like the fucking boogeyman. But apparently she had been listening to our conversation." Kit could feel the tell-tale sign of his eyes beginning to dampen as he willed himself not to start crying.</p><p>He didnt want to look at Magnus. </p><p>"She said. Magnus, she said I was disgusting. A horrible stain on the Herondale family name and that I should be ashamed of myself" Kit said angrily. "She said that she couldn't believe that a Herondale of all people turned out to be gay, so I told her that i'm Bisexual" Kit laughed, although there was no real humor to it. </p><p>"Then Paige said-" Kit almost didnt want to continue because he didn't want Magnus to have to hear it. He almost laughed at that notion. The notion that Kit would ever have to protect a 400 year old warlock from anything.</p><p>Kit waited for Magnus to interject. To say something, anything. But Magnus was silent.</p><p>Kit took that as a sign to continue. "She said that was even worse" Kit spoke softly, feeling all the energy drain out of him, leaving only the bitter taste of anguish. "She said that I was being greedy, and that I should just pick a side." On the other side of the room Kit heard Magnus scoff.</p><p>"And she just kept going on and on spouting the same biphobic bullshit!" Kit cried. "And Magnus I know I shouldn't have hit her, and I know that violence doesn't really solve any problems, and I know I probably just made everything much worse, but I'm just so sick of this! Kit finally braved a look at Magnus and kind of wished he hadn't.</p><p>Magnus Bane. The High warlock of Brooklyn, was crying. </p><p>And just like that, the dam inside Kit broke and angry, exhausted tears were spilling down his cheeks. "I mean it's just like, everybody's got so many god damn opinions you know? Everybody has something to say. We're too gay for the straight people and too straight for the gay people. No matter which way I turn somebody's yelling at me. Yelling at me for checking out a guy because i'm disgusting or telling at me for dating a girl because i'm conforming to some stupid heteronormative standard and "flying under the radar" or whatever. As if any of it was ever their fucking business!" </p><p>In spite of everything, Magnus laughed, but Kit could still see tears in his eyes. Kit was breathing heavily trying to calm himself down. It was only then that he remembered the Reeses and shoved a handful of them into his mouth. Magnus was smiling fondly at him.</p><p>There was a long period of silence where Kit was beginning to feel a little insecure about having someone just watching him eat and do nothing else, but eventually Magnus stood up from his chair and slowly walked over to Kit and crouched down in front of him.</p><p>"Look at me Kit" Magnus spoke in a firm tone that left no room for arguing. Kit met his eyes and saw that Magnus was staring at him with a frightening intensity. "I know how you feel. Probably better than anyone. I have lived for a very long time on this earth, and my journey towards self acceptance hasn't always been smooth." </p><p>Magnus looked down for a moment and grimaced, as if he was remembering something he would much rather forget. "I grew up during a time when racism and homophobia were considered the norm. Downworlders were treated like dirt and at a certain point, there was a part of me that believed maybe my demon blood did make me a monster" he admitted sorrowfully. </p><p>Kit's heart sank. It hurt to think of someone like Magnus as insecure, or full of self loathing.</p><p>Just like Kit was.</p><p>"And when I encountered my attraction to men as well as women, I thought it was the result of my demon blood" Magnus continued. Kit made a face and he saw the corners of Magnus's mouth turn up slightly.</p><p>"Well that's just stupid" Kit exclaimed without thinking. But Magnus just laughed.<br/>
"No you are absolutely right" he agreed, "there is no evidence of any kind to connect sexuality to demon blood. And there's nothing wrong with me, in any sort of way."</p><p>Magnus stood up and brushed out the lines of his very expensive looking jacket. "And there's nothing wrong with you either Kit." Kit smiled at him gratefully, but then something crossed his mind. </p><p>"But what about faeries?" He asked before he could stop himself. Magnus turned around looking obviously confused. Kit gulped. Magnus didn't know about the whole first heir situation and Kit really wasn't supposed to be going around telling people. Kit attempted to maintain a casual tone.</p><p>"I mean aren't faeries, or everyone with faerie blood all Bisexual?" Kit pointed out. "What's the deal with that if it's got nothing to do with demon blood?" Magnus stared at him for a moment and Kit could have sworn that he knew. That Magnus knew everything. </p><p>But he just shook his head. " I don't know what it is." Magnus said casually. "No one does, but it's got nothing to do with demon blood. Otherwise every Downworlder would be Bisexual and as you know, that's not the case." Magnus made his way over to Alec's desk and poured himself a drink. Kit was slightly surprised that Alec had alchohol in his office but perhaps Magnus had rub off on him. </p><p>It would make sense, after all Kit found himself reading all of the Sherlock Holmes books on a whim last year and then crying once he was done. </p><p>Magnus took a long sip from his drink. "You aren't evil Kit" he said warmly. "If that's what you're worried about." Kit jolted upright with a shock, staring at Magnus with wide eyes. </p><p>Magnus knew? </p><p>Kit opened his mouth to protest but Magnys held up his hand. "Stop, it's alright. I won't tell anyone" Magnus insisted. "And you shouldn't worry." </p><p>Magnus paused for a moment staring pointedly at Kit. "The way you feel about him. The way you feel when he smiles at you, and the way it feels every time he says something that's just so classically him." Magnus was smiling to himself. He was clearly talking about Alec, but Kit's heart ached with familiarity.</p><p>"That could never be evil." </p><p>And with the way he was looking at Kit, almost as if Magnus was willing him to understand. Kit realized that the whole first heir situation might not be the only thing Magnus knew about. Kit bit his lip as he fought the urge to cry again.</p><p>Magnus made his way back towards Kit and put his hand on Kit's shoulder. "You know that don't you?" </p><p>Kit wiped a stray tear from his cheek and nodded. Magnus's expression remained solemn for a while, then he broke out into a grin. "Good!" He exclaimed, reaching down to snatch the bag of Reses out of Kit's hand. Kit whined in protest, searching at Magnus's hands, but he only held the bag further out of Kit's reach.</p><p>"Alright now, enough of that" Magnus spoke in what Kit could only assume was his parent tone. "It's time to face the music. You need to tell Alec the whole story. If Paige was engaging in hate speech then that actually helps your case" Magnus explained. He walked over to the door where Kit could still hear the sounds of the Ashdowns, his parents, and Alec all arguing with each other. </p><p>"Are you ready?"</p><p>Kit took a minute to think about this, then sat up straight in his chair, steeling himself for the worst.</p><p>"Alright, I'm good. Send them in."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Julian: To be different</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ok so this was more like two and a half weeks I'm sorry I suck. This is about Julian and his demisexuality.</p><p>Full disclosure, I have recently discovered that I am Demisexual so this is me trying to work through shit.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a warm pleasant evening on a Saturday and for the first time in awhile, probably the first time since Julian was a kid, things were good. No wars or impending threats. No stupid Parabatai curse. They had all finally managed to find a reprieve after everything that happened, and slowly everyone was beginning to heal from Livvy's death.</p><p>Well for the most part. Ty had left for the scholomance roughly six months ago and he other than sending the occasional letter saying he was fine. Which julian wasn't so sure about.</p><p>But he had decided to let Ty be for awhile and give him some space. He had to believe in the fact that if Ty really needed him, he would reach out.</p><p>"Hey Jules, it's your card" Emma said, nudging him fondly. Julian and Emma were currently on their travel year and were visiting Clary and Jace in New York. Julian had been to say the least, anxious about leaving his children for the first time. But Dru and Tavvy were in good hands. He trusted Helen more than he trusted anyone else in the world, save Emma. </p><p>Speaking of Emma.. </p><p>"Hey babe are you ok?" She cooed, rubbing his arm. "Did you drink too much?" She, Clary, Jace and Julian were all currently in the middle of drunk poker, which he had adamantly insisted on not being a real game, but Jace wouldn't hear of it. </p><p>Basically he had suggested to remove the money winning part and instead make it so whoever had the worst hand had to take a shot of whiskey. Which Julian now referred to in his head as vile poison that smelt like gasoline. Julian shook his head, trying to clear unpleasant thoughts. </p><p>"No I'm fine." He smiled back at her, tucking a peice of wayward blond hair back behind her ear. Across the table Jace and Clary were absorbed in their own cutesy couple behavior. Julian turned his attention back to Emma and leaned over to kiss her, relishing in the fact that it was something that he could actually do in front of other people now. </p><p>"Alright people focus!" Jace suddenly exclaimed leaning back from Clary. "We're almost done, final round alright?" Before either Julian or Emma could answer, Clary groaned and shook her head. "No." She mumbled bleakly. "No more drinking. I can't do it!" Jace laughed pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Clary was considerably tinier than everyone else, so the booze was probably hitting her harder. Emma caped the whiskey and shoved it towards Jace. "Yeah I think I've reached my limit too." She admitted. "Can we play something else maybe?" </p><p>"Something that doesn't involve whiskey?" Jules chimed in. Clary mumbled something from her resting spot against Jace's bicep. Emma snorted.</p><p>"Babe was that a yes or a no?" Jace asked gently, pulling her upright. Clary really didn't look like she was in the shape to continue. </p><p>Sure enough, she let out a giant yawn and blinked a few times as if she was trying to regain her equilibrium. "No I'm going to bed" she mumbled, slurring her words. Jace smiled at her fondly as if a half drunk, messy Clary Fairchild was the greatest thing he had seen. </p><p>Julian couldn't really judge Jace. Not when he was equally as sappy with Emma. Clary gave Jace a less than graceful kiss and wobbled away towards the bedrooms. Emma waved goodbye at her, but Clary was so out of it she didn't notice.</p><p>"Ok" Jace said, bringing their attention back to the game. "Are we playing something different now? I'm taking suggestions." Julian turned to Emma, she was usually the one who was better at coming up with party games. </p><p>Her face lit up in an excited smile. "Oh I know!" She gasped. Julian suspected some of her enthusiasm was brought on by alcohol, but it still made him happy. "We should totally play Fuck Marry Kill!" Emma exclaimed. Jace nodded in agreement, taking another swig of the bottle. Julian rolled his eyes.</p><p>He had always disliked this sort of thing. Games that made you talk about your crushes or people that you found attractive like truth or dare, or even worse games like spin the bottle where you were forced to kiss a random stranger. Julian could never figure out why, but the whole concept of intimacy with people he barely knew made him very uncomfortable. </p><p>He had never had fleeting crushes on attractive distance people like celebrities, or felt desire for random attractive people passing by on the street. In fact, when he was younger it would worry him. </p><p>Why don't I feel this way if everyone else does? Why don't I like the idea of sex because everyone talks about it with such apathy and distance, treating each other like objects instead of human beings?</p><p>Jules knew, that even from a young age, he wanted to be in love with the person he had sex with. He wanted a relationship where desire was sewn in with love and respect.</p><p>And now he finally had that with Emma.</p><p>"Ugh. Do we have to?" He complained without thinking. Emma pouted at him and he instantly regretted it. "I mean isn't that game kind of juvenile?" Jace was giving him an odd look.</p><p>"I swear sometimes it's like you're an old man trapped in the body of an 18 year old" Jace joked. Julian tried to brush it off, knowing Jace didnt mean anything by it. Emma let out a dramatic groan. </p><p>"Come on Jules! Don't be such a prude!" She whined, snatching the bottle of whiskey back from Jace, and Julian tried not to think about how many times before he had this feeling. The feeling of guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. Like he wanted to dig a little hole inside himself, and shove all of the parts society deemed abnormal into it and bury them.</p><p>He remembered the first time he felt that way. When Emma had asked him for the thousandth time who he liked, and that was before he even felt that way for her. He knew that saying "no one" again wasn't going to cut it. So he named the first genetically pretty girl he could think of.</p><p>Isabelle Lightwood.</p><p>It was never true though and he still had never told Emma. </p><p>Julian cleared his throat, I actually think I'm going to go to bed. I'm feeling a little lightheaded." Emma instantly looked guilty, clearly knowing she had upset him. She shook her head frantically.</p><p>"No Jules, come on stay" she pleaded. "I'm sorry" she pouted reaching for him, but Julian pushed her off. This was one of the very few times when he was actually put off by her touch.</p><p>He didn't even bother looking at Jace.</p><p>"No seriously it's fine" Julian tried to assure her, faking a small smile. "I'm just really tired." Before Emma could protest, he leaned over to press a quick kiss to Emma's head and then finally looked over at Jace. His expression was unreadable.</p><p>"Good night guys" Julian said in what he hoped was an amicable tone and then walked briskly out of the room without waiting for an answer.</p><p>As he speed walked towards the guest room that he and Emma were staying in, Julian tried not to let his emotions overwhelm him. He knew that Emma wasn't trying to be malicious or make fun of him on purpose, but Julian couldn't help but be sensitive to certain jabs. Little jokes and comments that threatened to expose the reality of the situation.</p><p>That Julian was different. </p><p>He heard the racing of footsteps behind him and the sound of Emma calling his name, but he didnt turn around. He wasn't even angry at her. Or Jace. He just wanted the day to be over. </p><p>"Hey Jules come on!" Emma called out to him, rushing up behind him and grabbing his arm. "Please talk to me. I'm sorry." Julian surveyed her face, trying to keep his expression neutral.</p><p>He knew he didnt have anything to hide from Emma but he still felt to urge to put up walls. Especially in situations like this.</p><p>Julian tried to pull his a from her, but she held on tight. </p><p>"Jules I didnt mean to hurt your feeling ok?" She murmured. "I'm really sorry. Jace and I were just joking around, and-" she paused, shrugging her shoulders. "It's not like it isn't true. I mean sometimes you do come off as like, super responsible adult person or whatever" she joked. Julian found himself smiling inspite of himself. </p><p>Emma smiled at him and took him hand in hers. "I know you were kinda forced into that role because of what happened with your family, but that's precisely why you should be doing stuff like this now!" She exclaimed. "Stuff like playing dumb drinking games."</p><p>Julian sighed and closed his eyes briefly. It wasn't as if he was supposed to the idea of having fun. He just hated the way every young adult's version of fun seemed to involve objectifying strangers in some way.</p><p>He really couldn't do this anymore. He needed to confide in Emma. Julian took a deep breath and let go of Emma's hand, taking a step back. "I know. I get that. I just don't think I'm a fuck marry kill kind of person." Julian confessed. "Like-" he paused for a moment, trying to find the words. </p><p>"I don't understand why everything always has to be about sex and desire. Like the way people talk about it, it's almost like they're obsessed, but in such a casual way." Julian struggled to explain. "Does that make sense? Like everyone acts like it's this huge, essential part of life, but it's really not. I mean not for everyone." He stopped to gage Emma's reaction.</p><p>She looked confused, but she wasn't laughing at him or getting angry so that was good. Emma bit her lip and swallowed hard. Now she looked nervous. "Jules." She said slowly. "Do you not enjoy having sex with me? Because I sort of thought you did." Remarkably, Emma actually sounded unsure of herself. "Because we totally don't have to if you don't want to."</p><p>Julian had to take a moment to smile at that, but then quickly began reassuring her. "No. No Em it's nothing like that trust me." He promised. "I like having sex with you. I just never wanted to do it with anyone else before and I still don't, and I probably never will" he admitted. Emma let out a relieved breath. </p><p>"Well that's good because I don't wanna have sex with anyone else either" she cooed, bringing him in for a kiss. But Julian stopped her. He wasn't done yet.</p><p>"No that's not what I mean" he protested. " I mean I never had any attraction to anyone before you, or felt any sort of desire. I never had crushes. Celebrity or otherwise. I look at people and think they're pretty or nice looking in different ways, but it's like the way you admire a beautiful painting I guess" Julian laughed. Emma was listening attentively. </p><p>"I never felt any sort of sexual desire, until I felt it for you" Julian said softly. "And it was because I love you. Because I saw everything that you are, and your kindness and vibrant energy. The way you see me and understand me, always. I found it so sexy. I fell in love with you, and the way I feel about you-. It turns me on." He confessed.</p><p>There was a pause of silence where Emma just stared back at him for a moment and Julian tried not to panic. Then Emma smiled brightly and Julian couldn't help but smile with her.</p><p>"We should do some research." Emma finally replied. "I bet there's a word for people like you." </p><p>And Julian hadn't even considered that. The thought made his heart soar. </p><p>Emma yawned in a very unladylike manner. "Tommorow though. I'm so exhausted." She moaned, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the guest room. Julian laughed at the comforting familiarity of it all.</p><p>He had been so afraid that Emma would reject him, or wouldn't understand. But Emma loved him regardless the same way he loved her. And furthermore, at the end of the day Julian was a Blackthorn.</p><p>He was always meant to be different.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cristina and Tessa: You have two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cristina confides in Tessa. This is basically two polyamorous women hiding in a broom closet and talking about their feelings.</p><p>Enjoy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cristina could confendently say that this was not one of her finest moments. She was a powerful shadowhunter, from a well respected, proud family. A member of the Alliance.</p><p>And she was currently sobbing in a broom closet because of the general equalivent of mundane high school gossip. But it was like Jaime had always said. She was far too soft.</p><p>After the dark war, when they had found out Mark had been taken, she cried over someone she didn't even know. She liked to think that maybe it was a sign from Raziel.</p><p>This one will need you, just as much as you will need him. </p><p>The same way they both needed Kieren.</p><p>Jaime thought it was utterly pathetic.</p><p>"If you cry over every spider that gets stomped on, every bird with a broken wing, and every faerie who has been brutalized by the Clave, then you will never be respected as a true warrior or a leader" </p><p>Overtime, she had come to disagree. Her compassion made her better. Stronger even. </p><p>Just not tonight. </p><p>Usually, when people started whispering behind her back, saying nasty things about her and her boys, she did her best to tune them out and focus on her allies. The majority of the people were fairly supportive. </p><p>However, there was always someone. Someone who felt the need to belittle her to make themselves feel better. Someone who had a problem with the fact that she was a women with two boyfriends.</p><p>She suspected if the roles were reversed, her circumstances would be quite different.</p><p>Not to mention the situation with the Unseelie Court. Cristina got a little sick thinking about it for too long.</p><p>"Cristina?" She heard a voice call out. It was relatively unfamiliar. Definitely not Mark's voice, or Emma's. "Cristina?" The voice called out again. Now she recognized it.</p><p>Tessa Gray.</p><p>Why was Tessa Gray looking for her?</p><p>Cristina attempted to pull herself together, wiping the tears from her face. "Yeah I'm in here!" She answered shakely. It was probably obvious that she had been crying. That was awkward. Cristina really didn't know Tessa well enough to let her see her like this. </p><p>And yet.</p><p>Tessa slowly pulled open the closet door. She was wearing a gorgeous long blue gown and her brown hair had been pulled into a fishtail braid. She was utterly beautiful despite the fact that her porcelain face was contorted in confusion. Tessa sighed, not in a patronizing or mocking way, but in such a way that suggested she understood.</p><p>"So" Tessa began kindly. "This is what it's come to hmm?" Cristina tried to smile but it probably came across as more of a grimace.</p><p>"I suppose so."</p><p>Tessa paused for a moment then climbed into the broom closet with Cristina. She sat down carefully, smoothing out the skirt of her gown. "So" Tessa turned to her and placed her hand on Cristina's shoulder in a motherly gesture. It was weird to think of Tessa as a mother of four kids. Although granted, two of them were deceased. Tessa looked about the same age as Cristina.</p><p>And there was a good chance Cristina wouldn't be able to have kids for awhile given the complicated nature of her relationship. </p><p>"What's going on?" Tessa asked. "What's wrong?" Cristina turned away, closing her eyes. She still didn't feel fully comfortable spilling her guts to someone she didnt know very well. She looked down at her hands and realized that thick black smudges covered her brown skin. </p><p>Oh that's just great. Dios. She was a mess.</p><p>Tessa must have noticed her fussing because she snapped her fingers and a sparkling blue light eminated from them. "Check your mirror" she said with a smile. </p><p>Cristina pulled out her phone and checked the camera. Her makeup was perfectly fixed. It did little to fix her mood though. Still she murmered her thanks to Tessa.</p><p>There was a brief pause where Tessa seemed to be waiting for her to talk. Cristina took a deep breath. "It's really not a big deal. It's the same as always. Someone always has something to say." She turned back towards Tessa being mindful of her golden gown. It was purposefully styled in such a way that it resembled a faerie gown. </p><p>Another small act of defiance that made Cristina feel stronger. But only for a moment. "It's fine. I can handle it" she said forcefully. </p><p>Tessa looked extremely doubtful.</p><p>"I don't doubt your strength Cristina. But you have to admit, you do seem rather overwhelmed." Tessa said gently. "I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, but you should talk to someone." </p><p>Cristina felt her exhaustion wash over her. Ultimately she knew Tessa was right. She just didn't want to admit to anyone that she was failing. But Tessa seemed safe.</p><p>Cristina took a moment to find the words. "I just think it's all been hitting me lately. All of the snide comments and whispering behind my back. All of the times someone calls me "faerie's whore". My mother's so called friends gossiping about how embarrassing this is for her." Cristina was shaking. Tessa squeezed her arm lightly and she found herself relaxing at the gesture.</p><p> </p><p>Christina sat upright, attempting to maintain some composure.</p><p>"And that's just the shadowhunters" she continued. Lots of the faeries are very against it as well. The leader of Kieran's redcaps General Winter, practically despises Mark and I." Cristina could feel herself starting to cry, but she pushed it down. "It seems that he thinks Mark and I are after the Unseelie throne, trying to claim it or control it so we can use it to benefit shadowhunters to some degree" she spat out bitterly. Cristina could feel the tears coming again.</p><p>Tessa smiled sympathetically at her, urging her to continue. She let out a sob as recent events began to fully wash over her, tears spilling down her cheeks.</p><p>"I don't care about the throne" Cristina sobbed. "Neither of us do. Mark and I have no interest in controlling Unseelie in any way, or using it for political gain! I don't care about any of it! I don't want any of it, I just want him!" Cristina cried, breathing heavily. </p><p>"Just him and Mark that's all I want." She whispered breathlessly. Tessa looked utterly crestfallen, like she was trying not to cry.</p><p>"We hadn't heard from him in weeks" she told Tessa solemnly, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around herself. "Kieran I mean. No communication of any kind. So obviously Mark and I were starting to get worried. We went to the court, but General Winter wouldn't let us in." Tessa was slowly rubbing Cristina's back in an attempt to soothe her. </p><p>"General Winter said that Kieran was hurt, but he wouldn't tell us how badly or how it happened. He just turned us away."</p><p>Her breathing was pained at frantic. Cristina dug her nails into her skin to ground herself. Tessa shook her head, pulling at her fingers. "No don't do that." She chided. "You need to breathe Cristina. It's going to be alright." </p><p>Christina sobbed in response, trying to control her breathing but it was only getting worse. Tessa wrapped her arms around her, shushing her softly. "Cristina I think you're having a panic attack. I need you take some deep breaths for me ok? In through your nose, out through your mouth" Tessa instructed gently.</p><p>It was hard, but Cristina did her best to take in large gulps of air while Tessa continued to rub her back. Slowly she began to feel herself start to relax.</p><p> </p><p>"I understand what you're going through" Tessa confessed, keeping her arms firmly wrapped around her. "Probably better then most actually." Cristina didnt speak. She didnt really have the energy to do so. </p><p>Tessa kept going. "I don't know how much you know about my past, but I was married before Jem. His name was William Herondale and I love him just as much as I love my Jem." Tessa spoke fondly, with so much warmth in her voice. Cristina smiled. She was still feeling too uneasy to leave the comfort of Tessa's arms. </p><p>"I have always loved them equally. I was even engaged to Jem before Will, before Jem became a silent brother, and I was lucky enough that there was never any resentment or animosity between the two of them" Tessa mused. Cristina finally let go off Tessa and pulled back slightly in disbelief. "They were never jealous of each other?" Cristina asked wiping the tears from her face once again.</p><p>Tessa laughed softly. "No they were always the best of friends. Parabatai actually. Believe me I know how it sounds" Tessa responded to Cristina's raised eyebrow. "I suppose I was a lot like you" Tessa said fondly. "Actually I still am."</p><p>Cristina was stunned. She really didnt know what to say to that. She had never thought that she would ever meet another women who was like her. Tessa fiddled with her braid and fixed some loose hairs. "Anyways, I have had my fair share of critiques over the years, and my fair share of heartbreaking experiences. Will would wake up in the middle of the night crying out for his Parabatai, and I would as well" Tessa said. </p><p>"Even when I was seeing him once a year it still wasn't enough. Will started creating elaborate excuses to summon Jem just so we could see him." Cristina placed her hand on Teeza's shoulder like she had done for Cristina a moment before. Tessa smiled gratefully. </p><p>"And now Jem wakes up at night calling out for Will. I never got the chance to be with both of them at the same time" Tessa explained. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or reprimand you for complaining. I'm trying to make you realize that what you have is incredibly special" Tessa spoke with a serious but gentle tone. "So I need you to be strong and never give up because that is what these people want you to do. I need you to have faith that things will get better because they will" Tessa said firmly. "One day the three of you will be together with no foolish complications or annoying generals standing in your way."</p><p>Cristina smiled at her optimism. "Ok" she nodded, overcome with a newfound sense of purpose. "You're right, it will be ok." She pulled herself off of the floor, smoothing out her dress. Tessa followed her, doing the same. "Alright I think I'm ready" Cristina announced. </p><p>Tessa chuckled. "Well almost." She snapped her fingers again and Cristina saw the same sparks of magic. "Alright, all fixed. Now you're ready" Tessa said cheerfully.</p><p>Cristina pulled open the door of the broom closet and heard the tell tale sounds of people laughing and music playing. She moved to leave, but Tessa caught her arm. "Just one more thing before you go Cristina." </p><p>Cristina turned to face her expectantly. Tessa let go of her arm gently and stared at her purposefully before speaking. </p><p>"Most people are lucky to have even one great love in their life. You have found two."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"Most people are lucky to have even one great love in their life. You have found two." Is a quote by Woolsey Scott in The Infernal Devices.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Helen and Aline: A Good Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Helen and Aline are soft adorable wives and I love them.</p><p>I'm sorry this is so short I was just so tired and I wanted to be done.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was pouring for the first time in months as Helen was beginning to get ready for bed. Her wife Aline had fallen asleep hours ago, but Helen had gotten caught up with paperwork. Running the institute was something she had secretly always wanted, but never let herself hope for. Although she was only given the opportunity because Aline could run it along aside her, but nonetheless she was still happy about it.</p><p>As she finished up in the bathroom, Helen flicked the light off and made her way back into the pitch black bedroom, doing her best to navigate it properly and not knock anything over. A night vision rune would have been helpful, but she didnt have her stele with her. </p><p>There was a rustling sound from across the room and then the sound of her wife's sleepy voice. "Helen?" Aline murmered. "Baby is that you?" Helen silently cursed. 'Yeah" she called back softly. "Sorry I was trying not to wake you." The light came on. Aline was sitting up in bed, her long dark hair tousled messily around her shoulders. She smiled beautifully at Helen.</p><p>"No don't worry about it. I wasn't asleep yet" she responded. Helen quickly made her way to bed, wrapping her arms around Aline when she got there. She tucked her head into the crook of Helen's neck. "Besides." Aline continued, her voice raspy from exhaustion, "I cant sleep unless you're with me. Helen smiled to herself, letting all of her previous tension melt away. </p><p>"Yeah me neither" Helen said softly, pressing a kiss on top of Aline's head. She carefully readjusted their position so that they were both lying down under the covers. Aline placed her head on Helen's chest and Helen began to thread her fingers through Aline's smooth, silky hair.</p><p>Aline laughed softly and Helen felt her heart sing at the sound. "Good day?" Aline asked. Helen closed her eyes as sleep began to claim her. Today hadn't been a great day. There was too much paperwork, too many downworlder disputes, too many fires that needed putting out. Alec was also having a hard time finding a suitable child for her and Aline to adopt. </p><p>But she was back with her family and texting with Jules and Mark everyday. Aline was lying in her arms and Helen was safe, happy and in love. </p><p>"Yeah." Helen smiled sleepily, letting herself drift off. "Yeah it was alright."</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Ty and Julian: Nightcall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ty calls Julian to help him deal with his feelings for Kit</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ty couldn't take it anymore. He found himself suffering from another sleepless night at the scholomance, sitting up in bed twirling the Herondale necklace between his fingers.</p><p>He was thinking about Kit again.</p><p>He couldn't stop no matter how hard he tried. Everytime he was studying, hanging out with Anush, talking to Livvy, or trying to sleep, Kit's face would pop into his head. Kit's smile. His eyes, the sound of his laugh. Ty hadn't had a decent nights sleep in weeks.</p><p>Enough was enough. He couldn't deal with this alone anymore. As much as he hated the idea, he really needed to talk to someone.</p><p>But who? </p><p>Ty really wasn't comfortable talking to Anush about any of this. He could tell that Livvy was getting concerned but he wasn't ready to talk to her about it either. Truthfully he was so afraid to admit it. To actually say the words out loud. </p><p>Ty took a deep breath composing himself. He wiped the tears from his eyes and grabbed his phone. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if this really was a good idea. He would most likely be waking Julian up depending on what the time difference was like. But he couldn't wait a second longer. If he didnt tell someone what he was feeling, there was no way he was falling asleep anytime soon. </p><p>Ty was fairly calm as he listened to the phone ring, waiting for Julian to pick up. His breathing had returned to normal. But the second Julian answered the phone, with a groggy, sleep filled voice, Ty felt the tears return. The full brunt of his exhaustion was hitting him.</p><p>Ty felt the tears begin to slide down his cheeks. "Jules" He choaked out. "Jules, is love supposed to hurt this much? Because- because I don't think I can do this anymore" Ty sobbed. He couldn't help it, years of pain and anguish over Kit leaving had taken its toll. </p><p>Julian was silent for a moment. Ty took that as a sign to continue. "Its just that, Jules he left me. He swore he wouldn't and then he did and-" Ty was stuttering. Ty never stuttered. He took a few deep breaths to stop the crying but it didn't work. "There was, everything with Livvy and-" Ty was beginning to hyperventilate. </p><p>"Ty sweetheart, take some deep breaths ok" Julian murmered soothingly. Ty wasn't sure if Jules had figured out who he had been talking about, but he was far too tired to care. "He told me he wished he'd never met me" Ty said dejectedly. "He told me he wished he had never met me and then he just left. Fucked off to England and got a brand new family." Ty didn't have the energy to worry about swearing in front of Julian. </p><p>"I don't know what to do what to do anymore Jules. I love him. All I do is love him, but he hates me and I don't know why." Ty breathed.</p><p>There was another pause, and then. "Are you sure that he meant it?" Julian asked. Ty wiped his tears away, attempting to compose himself. "I'm sorry" he heard himself say. "I don't know why I'm like this." Julian sighed on the other line. </p><p>"You don't have to apologize Ty" Jules said softly. Ty laid back onto his bed. "Are you mad at me?" He asked timidly. </p><p>"No!" Jules exclaimed hurriedly. "No of course not Ty why would you think that?" Ty breathed a sigh of relief. He paused for a moment gathering his thoughts before he spoke. "Because I said he? Because I'm in love with a guy?" Julian chuckled.</p><p>"Yeah I know. You're talking about Kit right?" Before Ty could answer, Julian kept going. "Yeah, I have to say this isnt much of a suprise. I don't care who you love Ty. It makes no difference to me." Ty smiled softly to himself.</p><p>Julian paused for a moment, then spoke. "If wish you could see the way he looks at you. The way he is around you. Ty he comes to life when he's with you" Julian said adamantly. "He hangs onto your every word, and looks at you like you have all the answers to the universe. Trust me. That boy is in love with you."</p><p>Ty narrowed his eyes in confusion. "But that doesn't make any sense Jules, if he loves me, then why-"</p><p>"Why would he leave?" Jules asked. "Why would he say those things?" Tu nodded and then remembered Julian couldn't actually hear him. "Exactly" Ty said.</p><p>"Probably because he's scared" Jules murmered. "And people do stupid things when they're scared." Ty closed his eyes, the full weight of his sleep deprivation finally hitting him. </p><p>"My advice to you would be to get some rest first and then try and contact him" Julian said sleepily. "Hear him out ok? I guarentee you he's doing just as badly as you right now." Ty laughed weakly. </p><p>Livvy had been pestering him about sending a letter to Kit for awhile now. But he hadn't been ready to forgive him. But listening to Julian had given him hope. "Yeah ok" Ty responded tiredly. "Night Jules. Thank you." </p><p>Ty could almost hear Julian smile. "Goodnight Ty Ty." He said softly before hanging up. Ty plugged his phone in and lay back down. He stared at the heron pendent that he had been playing with earlier, resting on top of his heart.</p><p>Kit. </p><p>Was it true? Did Kit really love him?</p><p>When Ty was in distress, he found that saying certain words he liked helped calm him. Overtime the words shifted as he found different ones he liked better. Christopher had become one of them. And during the long restless nights at the scholomance, Ty had whispered his name over and over to himself like a prayer. </p><p>At first it was almost heartbreaking in a way. For Ty to attempt to conjure up the feeling Kit gave him before everything turned sour, and some days it almost made him feel worse. But this time when Ty whispered Kit's name, he did so with a sense of newfound clarity and hope. Hope for the future. Hope that they could mend what was broken. </p><p>Christopher. </p><p>I love you Kit. I love you.</p>
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